By Katie Choike, AYF 2016-17, University of Michigan, DAAD Recipient

I’ve seen more of the world in the past three months than I have during the first 21 years of my life. As a first-generation college student from a low-income family, the odds have never quite been in my favor. Despite this, I’ve been fortunate enough to have opportunities that I never would’ve thought possible.

In high school, I thought I had my future figured out; however, after the first semester at the University of Michigan, I saw my plans crumble around me. My major changed drastically as well as my aspirations beyond undergrad. The most drastic change, though, was my attitude towards planning for the future. I realized that all of the good things that happened to me were paths that I took on a whim, ones that I chose to take after going with my gut despite the mental blueprints I made. As someone who is anxious about uncertainty, this new approach had me terrified but I decided to see where it would take me. Little did I know that this approach would literally take me to Germany.

Until last year during my fifth semester at U of M, it had never occurred to me to look into studying abroad. It was something I had written off as being too expensive. Once the idea of going abroad got planted in my head, though, I talked to advisors and looked at the projected budget for the Academic Year in Freiburg program. I realized that it was feasible with my financial aid.

Through all of this, I didn’t stop to think about whether or not I could handle this type of change. I moved in autopilot because stopping to think for a second would’ve caused me to lose my nerve. It was only after I finished applying for a passport and filling in paperwork that I paused to think about what this meant for me. I knew that, given my financial situation, there would never be a better time than now for me to leave America. I wanted to see the world and to increase my independence. If I could start over in a foreign country where I knew no one, I should be able to do anything, right?

Here I am one year later, comfortable with my new life in Germany. I powered through my anxiety, and now I’m doing things that I never imagined myself doing — the biggest of which has been traveling alone.

As a huge music fan, a benefit to moving to Europe has been the concerts. Most of the genres I listen to, particularly punk rock and post-punk, are not as popular in America as in Europe. Since arriving in Freiburg, I’ve spent most of my spare time traveling around Germany, Northern Ireland, and England for concerts, largely on my own. I had never set foot on an airplane before 2016, and now it feels like I take a plane at least a couple of times each month.

I’ve had so many brilliant new experiences, and I’ve done it all on my own. I’ve faced countless issues, from language barriers to getting lost to nearly being stranded in England because of a problem with my plane ticket… yet somehow I’ve managed to overcome all of these situations unscathed.

My family and friends back home are shocked. I often face reactions of “Who even are you?” because they no longer see me as the meek, anxious girl I’ve always been. Many of the new friends I’ve made since moving to Freiburg have been surprised when I tell them that I’ve always been painfully shy and paralyzed by fear. Just the other day, a couple of my friends told me that they respect me for being self-assured and brave. I’m not brave, though, and I don’t think you need to be brave to do what I’ve done.

In the months before I moved to Freiburg, a very important woman in my life told me that there’s a difference between bravery and courage: “Bravery is not having fear. Courage is pushing yourself further despite your fears.” That stuck with me and I think about it often. Very rarely will you face a life-changing experience that won’t make you fearful. Fear doesn’t mean you’re weak, but pushing through fear does make you strong.

First published in the Fall 2016 AYF Alumni Newsletter